Dear Mr Obama

Dear Barack

Years ago when I sat my inter-cert I remember my auld English teacher waxing lyrical about things like; metaphor, onomatopoeia, and the iambic pentameter whoever they are when they’re at home? I cant help but wonder what my auld English teacher might make of the metaphor of our Taoiseach presenting your good self with a begging bowl of shamrock and a sham certificate of 100% affiliation to the people of Ireland on Paddy's day. The bowl was full of what we feed to the cattle, and the certificate is not far from what we stick on our beef before we ship it off to the mainland!

With an election looming and your eye firmly fixed upon the Irish vote you accepted our Taoiseach’s little offerings with the good grace that you are well known for all over the world, (except perhaps in North Africa and the Middle East) and that was very good of you. However I can’t help but wonder if perhaps deep down in that honest place where politicians are rarely allowed to go; if perhaps you might have cringed a little with embarrassment, on behalf of our leader? If you did, you hid it well, and fair play to you.

Don’t worry about our Enda that’s just his way of going on, as he is a bit shy at those big international gatherings with all kinds of important people all gathered around,- fixing the worlds problems and everything. Sure wasn’t your other pal President Sarkozy patting him on the head last month in an equally awkward moment that was passed off with a bit of a laugh.

Rest assured Mr President that there are plenty of us here in Ireland who were quite embarrassed by the bowl and the certificate. We would like to apologise and to offer you a copy of Joyce’s Ulysses or Beckett’s Waiting for Godot, instead.

The next time someone offers you an embarrassing gift like that, don’t be afraid to tell him to “cop on to himself ” …..because that’s what most real Irish people would do.

Here in Ireland we are always getting silly presents from our government. Some years ago when we were flush with cash, we all got a ‘milenium candle’ as a gift! Some time after that we were all given a present of a box of iodine tablets in case Selafield Nuclear Plant were to accidentally blow up, or be bombed by one of them terrorists that you are minding us all from.

We never take offence, and take it all with a pinch of salt (which has plenty of iodine in it anyways).

Anyhow, best of luck with the election and we hope to have you back with us for another pint ….as soon as the day is long.

‘Cead mile failte’ to you and yours and ‘top o the morning’ as well!

Yours etc