Dear Mr Assad

Dear Mr Assad

I am a card carrying member of the Pacifist Society of Ireland and as such I have no particular axe to grind in the conflict between yourself and your opponents.  I see and hear that Mr Cameron and Mr Obama are considering "serious action" against you and your colleagues if you have been using chemical weapons or weapons of mass destruction in your civil war.

I understand that the situation is particularly grave and everyone is locked into an endgame of sorts, one that must play itself out to the usual brutal conclusion. Your opponents want to take control of the government by fair means or foul, and you want to hold onto to power (somewhat understandably) by similar means. You have no choice but to hold onto to power, because you know that if and when you loose it, you may end up being dragged naked through the streets of  Damascus having been bludgeoned to death, like Mr Kadafi.  Or you may pen-ultimately  be ferreted out from a dugout and formally executed like Saddam.

You have no choice but to hang in there to the bitter end. Unfortunately for you, the West has decided to approve the rebels application for recognition of their activities as a 'Democratic Struggle' and once their application was successful, your regime effectively reached its sell-by date.  Your number is up as they say, the writing is on the wall, perhaps the same wall that was written on at the start of your troubles?

The only available option is a trip to the plastic surgeon, or an application for asylum in one of those countries that have yet to be entirely disciplined by the West.  Of course this cannot happen because you would have to bring your auld pals, and cronies with you, and judging by your longevity thus far, there must be a right gang of them.

From what I understand yourself and your pals are members of a particular Muslim sect and this particular sect has control over the military and much of the wealth in your country. The other Muslim sects have been financially and politically marginalized over the years through the selective giving of; favors, titles,  fancy jobs contracts, and the usual stuff that goes on in politics. Now you are in an awful mess because you have sown the time-honored  seeds of  revolution that leaders have been planting since before the queer wan in France told all the punters to go and eat cake.

Them that doesn't have, want to get a hold of the goodies from them that does have.  In the middle east once this racket starts, the 'have-nots' invariably declare that they want a share of the goodies in the name of 'democracy'.  And once the big 'D' is wheeled out, and the application for a "Democratic Struggle" is approved by the powers that be, well to make a short twist of it:  yourself and your pals are doomed.

We in the west have a moral obligation to lend money and weapons and soldiers to anyone who might be fighting in an approved democratic struggle. Even if they couldn't give a hoot about democracy and just want to get a hold of the money and power that leaders like yourself  have been holding onto for so many years and dishing out to your pals, and them that bows in the same direction or believes that Mary was a virgin, or whatever it is that distinguishes between your sect and them that has no money.

Once the new crowd get in they will want to dish the goodies out to their pals who do be bowing in the same direction or cracking their eggs open on the big end and so on.  Its been the same since time began and will be the same for as long as them that have not, want to get a hold of the goodies from them that have. Yer man Marx tried to make everyone equal, and sure enough, he only made things worse.  Human's it would seem are as yet too stupid to live up to either Communism or Democracy materialism and greed always gets in the way.

The main reason I am writing to you is about this ghastly business of you gassing your own people with chemical weapons. You may or may not be guilty of this I know nothing of these things. However I do know that you are a physician as I am myself, and although doctors have been guilty of rather horrific things in the past, and although medical training is no guarantee of compassion or humanity; I feel that on the balance of things it makes these allegations slightly less credible than if you were a full time General, or a Banker, or had appeared on the balcony firing a shotgun into the air like Saddam before he had his deserts.  If appearance and previous employment history are anything to go by then you might well be a nice fellow altogether? There are some lovely pictures of yourself and your family on Wikipedia, and apart from the hairstyles and the get-up, yis look like nice people, who would open the door to a stranger or drop a few bob in the plate of a Sunday.

What makes me most suspicious about these allegations is the fact that they seem to be part of a formula that has worked in the past, a preamble to American led air strikes and invasion by the back door.  Just as the "weapons of mass destruction" myth was created in order to brainwash the plebs and invade Iraq without UN approval.

You are not on good terms with the Israeli's and rumour has it that you have been supplying arms to Palestinian "terrorists".  One would think that a chap like yourself with all that education, would have had a bit more sense, and been able to recognise that the Israeli's call the shots with American foreign policy. Geographically, and metaphorically your country is behind the Palestinians and for that reason alone your cards have been marked for quite some time.  Had you developed nuclear weapons in time you might be safe but without them you represent a military push-over, and your inevitable demise will represent  a major source of happiness, stability and longevity to Israel, not to mention NATO control of the entire fertile crescent from the Mediterranean to the Persian Gulf. Unfortunately for you, most of the oil rich Arabs are busy gorging themselves on oil revenues and have been rendered obese, diabetic, and blind to the overthrow of their, culture, religion and political landscape. Tis a pity that you cannot see the bigger picture and the 'blue-print' for the middle East, as it  becomes increasingly obvious with each American led invasion.

Your pal Mr Putin and the Chinaman will continue to do what the Americans repeatedly do for their biggest arms customer, and pull out the veto-card at any hint of United Nations sanction.  As a result  the UN is confined to it's familiar form of a paralysed-duck whenever the goodies of a resource rich Middle Eastern nation are about to be carved up and dished out to friends and relations, in accordance with the overall plan for the Middle East.

Without the UN, the formal international court of appeal has effectively  been transferred from the Hague, to CNN, Sky, Fox News, and the BBC, or more correctly the multinationals and big business who sponsor politics, make the jobs, and pay the piper's advertising revenues.  All that remains is for the west to do is to drum up enough brainwashed support against your regime, to justify the transition from covert to overt  military intervention.  Once this happens, you and your cronies can effectively kiss your collective arses goodbye.

I didn't read the application myself, however as soon as your opponents applied for recognition of their rebellion as a 'Democratic Struggle' your days were effectively numbered.  As such the carnage and mayhem that are both prelude and sequel  to your inevitable departure, are merely perfunctory matters, as are the innumerable innocents who are to pay the collaterally damaged  price for the transition to 'freedom' .

How it all works (FYI) is rather simple. The rebels appeal to the west for recognition of their struggle as a 'democratic struggle', and deserving of military and financial support. They agree tacitly and formally to eventually pay for the overthrow of the present government in; lump sum, fee simple and by installments after the fact etc:  They fill in the requisite application forms and petitions, show their credentials at the gate, and make the necessary promises of payments in natural resource, raw materials and development or post-liberation re-building contracts etc etc. 

Western authorities and backing industrialists  will then consider the application on the following basis.

1)  Does the country in question have nuclear power and weapons of significance? If the answer is yes, refer to the UN. Does the country in question have enough; gold,oil,uranium, gas, coal, natural resource, strategic position etc., that will make western intervention economically and politically worthwhile?  If the answer here is is yes proceed to question number 2. If the answer is no refer to the UN.

2)  Do the rebels themselves have a snowball's chance in hell of toppling the existing regime? If not,  how much will it cost (in terms of money and body-bags filled with Tennessee farm boys) And how much risk is involved in covertly stirring up the requisite amount of sedition and political instability that might make revolution practicable?

3) Are the rebels willing to call their new regime a "democratic" regime, and thereby permit western multi- nationals to enter the country and 'purchase' at low-cost the nation's natural resource which can then be exported, refined and manufactured into product after the 'revolution'?

4) Can the new government be relied upon to pay NATO back in hard cash, national resource, contracts etc., for its "liberation"?

5) Will the new regime agree to buy weapons of mass destruction and furnish it's future; army, air-force, and navy, solely from western 'democratic' suppliers vis NATO member states?

In general depending upon the answers to the above questions the rebels application for 'Democratic Struggle' may or may not be approved. Once approved however....the rest as they say is  History.  When the Americans invaded Iraq the process was entirely the same.

You see Mr Assad your biggest mistake was probably aligning yourself with the Russians rather than the Americans (although you were probably aware that the Russians were and are busy transforming themselves into another version of America, but the transformation will prove too late for you) You made the mistake of purchasing your military hardware from Russia and China, and you did this because you were not fond of America's relationship with Israel.  As such you made the mistake of letting ideology get in the way of good business sense. Had you been purchasing your military hardware from America, like the Saudi's or the Israeli's you would be safe as houses and the rebels in your country would be considered in the same vein as Palestinian 'terrorists'.

You see, relatively poorer countries like my own little island nation, export; cattle, potatoes and American made Viagra tablets. That's how we make our shillins. But these kinds of exports are in the haypenny place when it comes to military contracts for jets, tanks bombs bullets, warships and submarines.

The auld rules of the market place are universal and you can only sell a thing when there is a want for it.  In the west there isn't a want for half of the things that we buy and sell.  However when that is the case you have to create a want or a market, that's what advertising is for.

In the same respect there is no point in the Americans and the British making bombers and tanks and machine-guns and the like, and there being no market.  These products need a war if they are to be consumed. That is what war is for, and Syria  has the privilege of being the next biggest market opportunity since Saddam appeared on the balcony waving a shot gun in the air.  War as they say is not just good for business but essential to it. I recall reading that during the Iraq war the American stock exchange made some of it's its greatest jumps and leaps in the history of that fine establishment.

One thing you might be overlooking is the fact that when NATO liberated Kuwait and invaded Iraq, the Kuwaitis had to pay for that liberation. In essence the Americans secured the greatest arms deal in modern history, as every bullet, bomb, rocket, roll of jacks-paper on one of them Aircraft-carriers, is still being paid for.  The bill was delivered on to the Kuwaitis, who have passed much of it on to the Iraqis who are busy paying it back in crude, with interest of course. Not to mention when the new government was installed, all the various contracts to rebuild oil wells, gas stations infrastructure, factories and hospitals and the like have been,  dished out to what Bush called 'the coalition of the willing'.


For those countries that are engaged in the very expensive business of making weapons of mass destruction, new and growing markets are essential to national economic prosperity and even stability.  As such the sales reps have figured out that the best form of military sales is 'retrospective-sales' of the 'liberation' kind.  War first, and bills later. It is a much easier process altogether, gets rid of the old-stock that is about to go off, and cuts out all the haggling over prices.  And of course after the fact, when the Country in question has bee duly liberated the contract for military hardwarwe goes to the liberators. As the people at Brother, Xerox and Cannon know only too well, its not just about the sale of the printer, the real money is in the refills.

 In my estimation the crowd that gets in after you will be no different to yourself. As soon as they get in they will be dishing out the goodies to their friends and relations and to those who bow in the same direction, crack their eggs open at the big end, or whatever are the features that distinguish their sect from yours. However their wont be as much of a share to go to their friends and relations as a big dollop of your nations resource will have to be given over to the west, who will pay them pennies and then turn that natural resource into product.

This disproportionate 'sharing' will undoubtedly be mitigated by the fact that we westerners, with our insatiable multinationals and insatiable appetite for product are far better at digging up resource than non democratic countries such as yours. And although you will be paid pennies for your natural resource we will dig it up faster than you could have ever dreamed possible, and as such the new regime will have plenty of pennies to share with their family and friends.

Personally I see no difference between yourself Mr Obama or Mr Cameron,  Mr Putin, Mr Bush or Marie Antoinette. To my mind yis are all singing from the same hymn-sheet. However in the interests of equality and in the hope of staving off the inevitable carnage and mass destruction for a little longer, I would suggest that when you choose to murder and exterminate your opponents, that you follow established precedent and call your victims "Terrorists", or card carrying members of  "Al Qaeda" (whoever they are when they are at home?).  If you wish to have a share of the moral high ground then you might include the prefix "suspected" in your descriptions, this however remains entirely as an optional extra.


Yours etc

Myself and the brother.